hope, patient, shame

Every Sunday morning I have a chore. It is just a small job, five minutes, maybe ten tops, but crucial. I have to refill my pill box for the week, and note down if there are any I need to re-repeat. It doesn’t take long, though it is fiddly. It is also a useful thing […]

7th January 2018

Birth stories…

birth, babies, bodies, breastfeeding, hope

Two weeks ago we were back with my second son in the hospital where my first was born. More hours to think, gazing at our London, which now of course, five years on from my start at mothering, has a great shard across it, cutting up through the skyline. While there I was mulling. A […]

13th May 2012

Traditions, Traditions

family & parenting, hope

When I was pregnant with Spider-boy I spent a lot of time thinking about Christmas even though he was a summer baby and I had barely been scanned in December. The thing was I rather felt that festive traditions could sum up your parenting techniques, aims and hopes. I still do, a bit, though in […]

16th December 2011

Blackboard Jungle

family & parenting, hope

I often think that what I love most about children is their brutality. A searingly honest take on life, unsullied by any social expectations. My little sisters used to cry and protest when our mother sang them (tuneless but enthusiastic) lullabies. Last weekend I saw my best friend’s glorious meringues dismissed as ‘disgusting’ by her […]

14th May 2011

Little Suckers

family & parenting, hope

I was told a few years ago by someone who knew about babies (my NCT teacher perhaps?) that newborn babies have a perfect sense of smell because they’ve been grown in a bag of saline for so many months. I have happily repeated that fact many times, adding that I assume newborns must love the […]

7th May 2011

Small comforts

depression, hope

I’m not surprised Churchill referred to his depression as his ‘black dog’, because in my experience depression is the worst kind of bitch. Even when you are classed as ‘over it’, you can hear and smell it somewhere nearby, panting in the shadows, snuffling around and threatening to shit in your path. Earlier this week […]

24th March 2011

Either that tea towel goes or I do…

depression, hope

When Spider-boy was little he didn’t smile a lot. I used to think, in the dead of night, it was my fault for not smiling enough when he was tiny, a dread fear that I’d broken him by crying too much on my maternity leave. I’ve been persuaded he just had a bit of ‘tude, […]

15th March 2011

Lucky Stars

depression, hope

I realise I’ve posted a good bit about remembering – remembering the good and remembering the bad. I saw my Mum this week and she told me that memories faze and fade, and that everyone with larger families, or older children, has melded memories and has forgotten much of the minutiae of early family life. […]

20th February 2011