#sunglassesON


depression

The last couple of weeks have contained a few not so great days. Along with school stress as noted, I had Newborn sickly again and Spider-boy making it quite clear that he preferred Daddy. ‘Mummy?’ he asked, all innocent eyes. ‘Why does Daddy have to work so late. Why can’t you work late, not him?’ […]

19th April 2011

Life. School.


depression

So D-day is upon us and we find out today where Spider-boy goes to school. And the likelihood is he will go to a school that on paper is quite poor sounding, but in reality, well, has nice classrooms a good vibe, kids who like it there and is the school nearest his house. I’ve […]

4th April 2011

Small comforts


depression, hope

I’m not surprised Churchill referred to his depression as his ‘black dog’, because in my experience depression is the worst kind of bitch. Even when you are classed as ‘over it’, you can hear and smell it somewhere nearby, panting in the shadows, snuffling around and threatening to shit in your path. Earlier this week […]

24th March 2011

Either that tea towel goes or I do…


depression, hope

When Spider-boy was little he didn’t smile a lot. I used to think, in the dead of night, it was my fault for not smiling enough when he was tiny, a dread fear that I’d broken him by crying too much on my maternity leave. I’ve been persuaded he just had a bit of ‘tude, […]

15th March 2011

Forgiving Eve


depression

Of course, however vexing the suicide of Spider-boy’s ‘ts’, or mindboggling his intimate belief he engages in the world of work, that post, I realise, was my way of ignoring something else today. Usually if I post I feel complete when it is written. The soothing power of words, occasionally neatly ordered, sometimes even making […]

1st March 2011

Lucky Stars


depression, hope

I realise I’ve posted a good bit about remembering – remembering the good and remembering the bad. I saw my Mum this week and she told me that memories faze and fade, and that everyone with larger families, or older children, has melded memories and has forgotten much of the minutiae of early family life. […]

20th February 2011

Depression and trendy #hashtags


depression, shame

A week or so ago there was a Twitter hash tag trending. This means, for those who aren’t members of the twitterati, people using twitter across the world were writing short microblog posts on a similar theme, linking them by a repeated phrase starting with an #. It was trending, which means lots of people […]

17th February 2011

Little Red Books


depression

Newborn went for his second set of jabs this week. On the way out I had to grab his little red book, which I’d lost and blogged about before. It was, with everything else missing in the world, in the shambles that is (was?) our dining room table. It didn’t fit into my changing bag. […]

17th February 2011

Glorious Forgetting


depression, family & parenting

Newborn continues to wake up. Both throughout the night, but also in the day. He holds his head, chin jutting out, eyes wide open, hungry for new sights. And he’s found a new way to call for me. Wailing, yes, of course but he’s started talking too. All delightful, glorious, babysqualk nonsense. Scribble talk. Frankie […]

12th February 2011

Moving Images


depression

I love American Beauty. I remember seeing it with my then boyfriend, now husband and, knowing it would be a shoe in for best picture, planning an Oscar party. We transformed our flat with apple juice in sample pots in the fridge, scarlet (paper) petals in the sink and obscure home-made videos playing on our […]

8th February 2011