Taking a new view of babies. And Pants.

incontinence / Monday, April 11th, 2011

So the sun keeps shining. I met a friend at a local park today. We were chatting as our three-year-olds played sharks and monsters and pirates, climbed mini hills and flung themselves down slides. She offered to hold Newborn (for whom I’ll have to come up with a new name). She understands pukey pukey babies, hers, she sighed, was only sick every time he moved.
She added that when you have a small one you are holding all the time, you don’t always get the chance to view them fully from a distance. Too true. Not least as, when you have a baby prone to periods of velcro-ness, if they will go to others the temptation to run to the loo/put on mascara/drink a hot cup of tea is very strong.
Turns out he’s just as cute and engaging when he’s giggling for someone else, and I can look him up and down rather than just glance at his snuggled in head. More so, actually, if it is their hair he is eating and vomming on.
And talking of putting things on show, which are often tucked away, someone suggested I repeat a poem joke I wrote in a comment a few posts ago. On the subject of knickers (what else) I dashed off a doozy of a ditty with huge love and affection for kids’ lit heroes Nick Sharratt and Giles Andreae.
I wondered, you see, if they should write a third volume of the wonderful Pants books for the hoards of Mums who buy and read the first two volumes to their shrieking toddler fans. Be thankful I can’t illustrate any of it!
Pants 3 – with immense gratitude and huge apologies to Nick Sharratt and Giles Andreae
Pants that suck and pants that tuck,
pants when you don’t give a fuck.
Signed pants, refined pants,
Tena-lady lined pants.
Clever pants, hot weather pants,
pants for wearing when you feel sad and small.
Leather pants, end of your tether pants, when you’ve knackered up your nethers pants…
sorry, we don’t talk of them at all.
Net pants, Wet pants, Give what you can get pants,
pants which look sexy but leave you sore.
Fly pants, guy pants, you don’t even have to try pants,
don’t talk to me of dry pants (not likely any more).

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